I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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