I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
