How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
