Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
