***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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