one might say we're banned from that church
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
