You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
