where am i from again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
