I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
