I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
