well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
