do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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