i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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