Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
