He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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