i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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