Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
