mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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