YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
