just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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