I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
