I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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