i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
