Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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