I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
