he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
