yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
