he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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