My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
