suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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