Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
