Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
