Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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