So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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