Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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