just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
