Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
