ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
