your room smells of hookers.
And success
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
