after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
