last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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