I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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