need another drink. this is the easiest way
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
