I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
