so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
