Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
