She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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