boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
