this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
