she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
