one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
