Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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