I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
