you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my poor anus
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
