how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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