sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
