Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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