Cold hands, warm shart.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
