That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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