FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
