She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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