i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
