Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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