well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
