you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
