she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
