there's paper in my vomit.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
